You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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