I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he just fucked me for my cheese..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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