I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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