Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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