i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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