i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
