there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i dont even know how to be here
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
