She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
