BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
