Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
