I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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