I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
