oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
