living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
