Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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