She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
