end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
