Only a mothe r could love this liver
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I stole a fireplace last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
