I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
