never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize