I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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