There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
