genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
