Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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