May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
