fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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