well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
