My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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