yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
