her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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