i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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