Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
