don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
