Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
