im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
