so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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