is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
