What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
