After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
