hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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