Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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