when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
