Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
