That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
