I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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