i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
