He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
