I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
