so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he thought i was a dude.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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