It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
