Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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