Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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