So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
