The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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