He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is wine microwaveable?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
