Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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