I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
