I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.