mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
