and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night