it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her