True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.