The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake