Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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