Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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