Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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