He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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