Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Are we still banned from the library?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
