how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've blown a few things in my day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
