How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm always down for nudity.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
