He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
