My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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