First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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