It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
