i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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