I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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