i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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