You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
