You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize