Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
