No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
