That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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