We won't sleep together?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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