the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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